Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
