I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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