so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
