I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
