He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
