I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
