I'm gonna have a badass scar
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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