Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I will die if light touches me.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
