I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just found puke in my bra..
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
