these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
