how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
