Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
