If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
