i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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