ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
