the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
