Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
