I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
