On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
how does that bad decision feel?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
