apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
