Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
