is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Randomize
