i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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