"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
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