can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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