I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
