Just took my morning after pill in the library
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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