Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
