guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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