she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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