He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
