1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
