Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
