I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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