fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
