just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Watching her eat just hurts me
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
