Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
