You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
