i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
