I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
