Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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