Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I pour the whiskey from now on
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
