I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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