I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
