I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
