This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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