i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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