if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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