Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
