That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
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