I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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