I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
