Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Drunk is a universal language darling
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