dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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