loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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