She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
So apparently I’m into choking now
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
