Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
